


60 wants to die.

by faucer



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 22:08:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faucer/pseuds/faucer





	60 wants to die.

this year i turned 295 years old. as i bought a piece of cake where to blow few candles off, i thought to myself: maybe i should just die already.   
“what is it like to live forever?” you once asked to me. at that time i brushed it off with a low chuckle and a kiss on your temple, but if i were to answer now i’d probably say ‘i forgot’ and sigh. at least 100 years have passed since then, detroit has completely changed, this city is no longer the place of the rebellion. android surely live for far too long.  
after your death i removed my LED with a knife, it didn’t hurt, and honestly, i don’t even know why i did it. i just felt it was the right thing to do. maybe i wanted to be a bit closer to you, maybe i wanted to cheat and deceive myself that i, too, was mortal. while it did the trick for the aesthetic i still have some problems about eating. i mean, everything’s fine, i can taste whatever dish i want but i’m forced to throw up when i get home. our home. it’s weird calling it that without you.  
yes, technology is really advanced at this point. robots are able to copy humans features down to minuscular details. but life’s tough for a prototype, the endling of my species, an old model, obsolete. they say i’d have to substitute my whole body to finally digest food. but you loved this shell and i did too. at night, when i don’t have to go into ‘sleep mode’, as you endearingly called it, i tend to pinpoint the little scars we got together, to remember when and where i acted like a fool and made you worry. actually i lied when i said that they wouldn’t go away, androids have an automated healing process but i switched it off, i wanted something to remember you by, i guess you kinda knew.  
_‘pretend to have as much fun as you can, everyone does it_  
 _if they notice that you become depressed, nobody will be there_  
 _because i know this, i go mad from time to time_  
 _i want to show you my bare face, i think’_  
as i hum this tune ringing through my ears there’s a warning in the corner of my mind, a crash, loud screams, i turn my head. a distracted human hit someone. blue blood in the middle of the road. humans never change do they. although it’s no big deal they’re crying; apologising non-stop, tears wetting that distraught face. if androids die, they still can transfer their memories, so they don’t really stop coming back to life. then where does their ‘core’ exists? is it alive? why cry when they’re not truly deactivated? even so, we’re living. perhaps that’s why such a fuss is happening.  
mhh, if i were to pull out the power cell in my chest today, there was a place i wanted to visit.  
your grave.  
i sit down with my legs crossed, my head hanging from the side. you always patted my hair when i did that. i think you, to me, were one of the few reasons worth continuing this endless cycle for.  
wouldn’t it be strange if i could build a robot with your same features? sometimes, i wonder. would it have your same mannerisms? would it have your odd sense of humor? if not, would i still want someone like that?  
“hey baby, what does it mean to be alive?” i once asked to you.  
“who knows? isn’t it when you feel happy or when you’re having fun?” you absent-mindedly replied while having breakfast.  
in that moment, i thought, ‘so basically, it means having emotions?’ but i didn’t say it. i was probably afraid of the truth. i was glad to be a deviant.  
i blink, without needing to, looking at your tombstone. it’s somewhat soothing.  
i was thinking of ‘stopping my breath’ tonight but, after seeing such unsettling things, i came to my senses. 


End file.
